


Reflecting Light

by connyhascontrol



Series: Follow Where You Lead [2]
Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: (and some angst before that I'm so sorry), Christmas Fluff, F/F, Gilmore Girls AU, Lesbian AU, Prequel, lesbians with kids
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-24
Updated: 2019-12-24
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:00:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21933361
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/connyhascontrol/pseuds/connyhascontrol
Summary: They're setting up the next game when Kate asks, "Can you and my mom be a couple?" Trixie inhales sharply. This time she manages to not knock anything over."That's not how it works, honey," she says gently. "Just because we're both lesbians doesn't mean we're in love."(There were many Christmases before Trixie and Katya started a family together. This is one of them.)
Relationships: Trixie Mattel/Katya Zamolodchikova
Series: Follow Where You Lead [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1579480
Comments: 16
Kudos: 115





	Reflecting Light

**Author's Note:**

> Merry Christmas, happy holidays, I hope you all get to spend time with the people you love and get some rest! Here's a prequel to [Follow Where You Lead](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18408920/chapters/43600265). Having read that to understand this is not absolutely necessary, but it would help. The title is taken from the so titled song by Sam Philips.
> 
> A huge thank you to my Christmas angels [mattepinkallshades](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mattepinkallshades/pseuds/mattepinkallshades), [JoanneElizabeth](https://archiveofourown.org/users/joanneelizabeth/pseuds/JoanneElizabeth), [beanierose](https://archiveofourown.org/users/beanierose/pseuds/beanierose), and [stutter](https://archiveofourown.org/users/stutter/pseuds/stutter) (who was kind enough to look this over). You four were the biggest blessing this year has given me. Being your friend makes me a better writer and a kinder person. I love you so much. Everyone should check their profiles for some Christmas surprises!

It’s become a familiar sight, Katya in her work clothes pushing open the door to the diner, Kate by her side, holding her mom’s hand, heavy backpack on. Katya heads straight for the counter where Trixie is standing behind the register.

“Hi!” Katya pants as if she’d run all the way from home, even though Trixie can see her decrepit tiny Fiat parked outside.

“Is it okay if I leave Kate here for a few hours? The inn called asking if I could cover half a shift.” She has pulled her mouth wide open in a grimace, displaying the same embarrassment she does every time, even though Trixie never says no.

“Sure.” Trixie gives Katya a smile, and then tells Kate, “Pick a spot.”

“Hi, Trixie,” Kate greets her with a grin and pushes herself up onto one of the stools at the counter, her feet dangling in the air. Her backpack hits the floor with a loud _thunk_ and she peels out of her puffy coat _._ Katya is already kissing the crown of Kate’s head, then she reaches across the counter, her hand closing around Trixie’s forearm, and she squeezes once before letting go again. Trixie can feel the warmth of her skin lingering.

“Thank you so much.” Katya starts digging in her pockets and pulls out a few dollar bills. She holds them up close to her face, squinting a little, and Trixie wonders how much longer she can manage without glasses.

“That’s not necessary,” Trixie quickly assures her, and Katya still sticks her hand out.

“For some dinner.”

“No, really, it’s fine. I’ll make sure she’s fed.”

Katya still has her hand out, awkwardly hovering between them, until Trixie gives in and takes the money. She honestly doesn’t mind feeding Kate for free, there’s always leftovers she has to throw out at the end of the day, she’d much rather give them to Kate. But she doesn’t want to patronize Katya.

As quickly as she appeared, Katya is leaving now after another kiss dropped on Kate’s head and instructing her to be good. Trixie looks after her until her car turns the corner. Behind her, Shea appears with a plate, and Trixie takes it from her, serving it to the elderly gentleman by the door with a friendly smile. She only gets a blank stare in return, and with a sigh Trixie returns to the counter. Kate has a large book in front of her and seems already engrossed in it.

“Would you like something to drink?" Trixie almost feels bad for interrupting her, but Kate looks up at her quickly.

"Yes, please."

"Hot chocolate?" Trixie is already drifting towards the kitchen when Kate confirms with a _mh-hmm._ She thanks Trixie when she places the mug next to her book. Her face lights up when Trixie rummages around behind the counter before dropping a handful of mini marshmallows into Kate's drink. Trixie watches with a smile as Kate thanks her again and eagerly reaches for the large mug with both hands.

A group of women, clearly coming from a shopping trip, pours into the diner, and Trixie has to leave Kate alone to go and push two tables together so they all fit. They keep Trixie busy with their special requests and questions about the food. In between Trixie keeps checking in with Kate, refilling her hot chocolate. When she sets down a plate with a burger on the counter later, Kate even puts her book aside to eat.

The diner empties out when closing time approaches. Shea tidies up the kitchen as Trixie wipes down all the tables.

“Can I help?” Kate’s question comes as no surprise. She asks every time.

“You don’t have to, honey, it’s alright,” Trixie quickly assures her. Then she has an idea. “But I wanted to bake a pie, you can help me with that if you want?”

Kate’s little face lights up. “I’ve never made a pie!”

“No?” Trixie doesn’t remember when she started helping her mom in the kitchen, definitely only causing chaos. Some of her earliest memories are from making pie together.

“No, Mom can’t cook or bake,” Kate explains cheerfully.

Trixie nods. She knows that, but it’s never occurred to her until now that Katya and Kate are missing out on all those memories she has. She considers for a moment if her inviting Kate to bake with her is overstepping her role. But she really did mean to try out a recipe Nina gave her, and she needs to get started if she wants to finish at a reasonable time. Besides, Katya has told her she trusts Trixie with Kate.

“We can make it in my kitchen upstairs, where it’s a little cozier?” Trixie offers, asking if Kate wants to come with her.

“Sure!”

When Shea has left, Trixie writes a note, letting Katya know that they’re upstairs and to knock loudly. She carefully sticks it under the string that holds the ‘Closed’ sign on the glass door. Kate packs up her books, Trixie gathers the ingredients they’ll need, and they head up the creaking stairs in the back. They could bake in the diner kitchen, but Trixie is making an effort to not be there after closing hours. Nina has told her she spends too much time there, and Trixie thinks the place is a little creepy when it’s deserted.

It’s warm in her apartment. Trixie put the heating on earlier, not wanting to come home to the dry December cold seeping into her place. She makes sure to leave the apartment door open a little so they can hear Katya knocking. Kate sets down her backpack on one of the chairs at her dining table and looks around the room.

“Do you live here?”

“Mh-hmm.” Trixie puts the electric kettle on to make tea for both of them.

“It doesn’t look like an apartment.”

The observation makes Trixie snort softly. “It used to be an office. I’ve converted it.”

Kate nods, still looking around the makeshift living area. “I like it.”

“Thanks!”

The place has everything Trixie needs, now she’s working on making it more homey. To her it’s always felt safe. She spent many hours here as a kid, waiting for her dad to finish work and go home with him. Their house had only been a few streets away, but Trixie always preferred being at the store to sitting at home by herself.

“Is that it?” Kate is leaning over the table where Trixie left the piece of paper that Nina had scribbled the pie recipe on.

“Yup.” Trixie steps up to the dresser she has her CD player on, turns it on and presses play. She’s been listening to her favourite folk Christmas album for weeks now.

“I’ve never had cranberry walnut pie. I think.”

“It’s very good, it’s a friend’s old family recipe.” Trixie instructs Kate to wash her hands in the sink and follows suit. “Okay, you read out the ingredients for the pastry dough and I’ll get everything together.”

Kate dutifully reads out the ingredients and the amount, and Trixie starts out measuring, but then lets Kate take over. She’s more precise than Trixie would be, clearly taking the task very seriously, and Trixie keeps smiling at her earnest little face. She’s a very helpful assistant, and it doesn’t take long until Trixie can put the dough in the fridge to chill, and they get started on the filling. Trixie handles all the chopping, Kate is responsible for combining. Trixie shows Kate how to roll out the dough so it won’t crack. She doesn’t have the patience to make a lattice today, so instead she and Kate cut out stars from the leftover dough and place them on the pie.

Once it’s in the oven and Kate no longer has anything to do, tiredness visibly comes over her. It’s past 9pm, Katya is probably going to come pick her up soon. Trixie goes to the bathroom and when she comes back, Kate has her big book out on the kitchen table.

“If you like, we could play a game. I’m pretty sure I have Jenga somewhere.”

Kate looks up at her with those big blue eyes that are so much like her mother’s. “Mom said I’m not allowed to bother you.”

“You’re not bothering me,” Trixie says with a smile. “You’re keeping me company. So, Jenga?” Kate grins, nods and closes her book.

Trixie doesn’t find the Jenga at the back of the closet where she thought it was, nor on top of the bookshelf, but finally she recovers it from one of the boxes of her brother’s old stuff she has sitting out on the landing and doesn’t know what to do with. Her Christmas CD has stopped and she presses play again as Kate starts setting up the tower of wooden blocks.

They start playing with the ticking of the kitchen timer in the background and the smell of baking pie filling the air.

“Are you excited for Christmas yet?” Trixie asks as she pulls one of the blocks free and sets it on top of the tower. Kate doesn’t reply right away. She has an expression of pure concentration on her face, and Trixie doesn’t know if it’s because she’s thinking or because the piece she picked seems a little stuck.

“We’re not going to visit Grandma and Grandpa this year,” Kate finally says quietly, her eyebrows knitted together in a frown. Her block comes loose and she arranges it carefully on top.

“Oh? Why’s that?” Trixie lightly pushes her index finger against one corner of the tower to see if anything is moving.

“Grandma doesn’t talk to Mom anymore because she told her she’s a lesbian.”

Trixie watches it happen like in slow-motion, how her hand jerks, how the Jenga tower tips over, and finally crashes down, clattering loudly on the wooden kitchen table.

“Oops,” Trixie mutters with an emotionless voice and stares off into nothingness. Neither of them comments on Trixie losing the game.

"That just means she likes women, I don't get why Grandma is so mad," Kate explains, frowning again but this time it's directed towards Trixie. "I don't like boys either," she adds almost defiantly, and Trixie smiles.

"Yeah, me neither."

"Oh!" Kate's face relaxes. Happily she asks, "Are you a lesbian, too?"

Still smiling, Trixie nods, and Kate mirrors it back at her, looking satisfied. Their conversation is interrupted by the timer going off. Trixie pulls the oven door open and sweet smell wafts around them. She removes the foil she had covered the pie with so the crust wouldn't burn and leaves it to finish baking.

They're setting up the next game when Kate asks, "Can you and my mom be a couple?" Trixie inhales sharply. This time she manages to not knock anything over.

"That's not how it works, honey," she says gently. "Just because we're both lesbians doesn't mean we're in love."

"Oh." Kate looks disappointed at that. "It's just that she doesn't have anybody."

"She has you," Trixie offers.

"That doesn't count. I think she's lonely."

"Oh no, you definitely count! And your mom has lots of friends who care about her and keep her company." Trixie knows that those things can be true and you can still be lonely.

"Are you her friend?"

"Of course!"

Kate nods. "That's good." They play in silence for a moment until Kate starts their earlier conversation again. "Where do you go for Christmas?"

"I'm, uh, staying here." Usually she spends Christmas with Nina, but she's visiting family in Florida this year. The only family Trixie has left is her brother, and she has no idea where he even is.

"Alone?" Kate looks extremely concerned again. "But it's Christmas!"

"That's alright, I look forward to a few quiet days in."

Kate's eyes go wide with an idea. "You should come to our house!"

"Oh no, honey, I really am okay," Trixie assures her.

"Mom wouldn't mind! Miss Jinkx and Dela are coming, too."

"Oh." It's a strange mix of relief and disappointment spreading inside Trixie's belly. She doesn't examine her reaction too closely. She would like to not be alone on Christmas day, though. "If your mom says yes, I'll come." Kate nods excitedly.

The timer goes off for the second time, and by now the crust is golden brown, the filling bubbling up between the pastry stars. Just as Trixie starts pulling it out of the oven, there's a loud knock downstairs.

"That's probably Mom, I'll let her in." Kate is already halfway to the door.

"If it's somebody else, you come back and get me, okay?" Trixie still calls after her. As she sets the pie down on the stove top, she hears the door open and close and then Katya's voice, replying to Kate's excited chattering. Their footsteps come up the stairs and then they're standing in the door of Trixie's apartment, Kate holding her mother's hand.

"Hi." Trixie pulls off her oven mitts and discards them on the counter. Katya looks exhausted, yet she's smiling brightly at Kate before looking apologetically at Trixie.

"Hey. Sorry I'm so late."

"That's alright, Kate helped me out," Trixie says with a smile in Kate's direction.

"We made a cranberry walnut pie!"

"Wow!"

"And we played Jenga. We both won one time," Kate carries on.

"That's great, honey! Come on, get your things, we should get home," Katya gently instructs her, and Kate's face falls.

"But I haven't even tried the pie."

"You could stay for one slice?" Trixie knows it's late and that Kate should probably be in bed. She could offer to pack them up two slices or simply save them some for tomorrow. But Katya looks like she could use some pie right now.

Kate's head whips around, staring at her mom.

Katya seems to be losing a brief fight with herself, judging by her expression. "Yeah, alright. That would be nice."

Katya drops into a chair when Trixie gestures towards the table. Kate quickly builds up the Jenga tower again and puts the box over it upside down while Trixie slices up the pie. It's too fresh, it needs to sit for a day to get solid and servable. Right out of the oven it disintegrates when it's cut into. Trixie more or less spoons some onto three plates, steam rising up from them, and sets them down on the table with a dessert spoon each. Both Katya and Kate thank her.

“Careful, it’s still hot.” As Trixie says it, Katya has already stuck the first bite into her mouth and huffs around it with wide eyes. Without a word Trixie fills a glass for her at the sink and places it in front of Katya. She grabs it and desperately gulps it down.

“Thanks,” she says quietly, looking embarrassed, when she’s swallowed it all down.

“Trixie said you should be careful because it’s hot,” Kate says ever-so-slightly condescendingly, and Katya laughs.

“Yeah, no kidding.” She turns her head towards Trixie, and at her big smile Trixie’s stomach flips. She quickly grabs her own spoon and digs into her pie, carefully blowing on her bite before sticking it in her mouth. It’s good, but not as good as when Nina makes it.

“This is great! As far as I can tell, anyway. I think I killed most of my tastebuds.”

Trixie snorts a little before asking Kate, “What do you think? Pretty good for your first pie, huh?”

Kate considers it for a moment. “We did a good job,” she concludes, and Trixie smiles.

“We did.”

“Mom, can Trixie come to our house for Christmas?” Kate asks without preamble, and Katya’s eyes go wide in surprise.

“Uhhh…” Her gaze flits to Trixie’s face for a second before returning to her daughter. “I’m sure Trixie already has plans.”

“She doesn’t!” Kate says before Trixie has the chance to interject. “She’d be all alone here. On Christmas!” Her outrage at that thought is endearing enough that Trixie doesn’t even feel embarrassed about having to beg for somebody to spend time with her.

“Oh!” Katya sits up straight in her chair. This time she turns towards Trixie. “We’d love to have you if you want to come.” She quickly adds, "But please don't feel like you _have_ to!"

"No, no, I'd love to come!" Trixie quickly assures her.

"Great!" Katya gives her a brilliant smile.

"I told you she wouldn't mind," Kate tells Trixie triumphantly.

"Yes, you're very smart. Eat your pie." At Trixie's words Katya laughs, and they share a grin across the table. There's a pulling sensation in Trixie's chest and she clears her throat, hoping it will help. It doesn't.

It doesn't take long for them to empty their plates.

"Alright, Katie, let's get you to bed so I can sleep, too," Katya mutters with a soft smile at her daughter. This time Kate doesn't argue. Right away, she pushes her chair back a little and gets up.

"Okay, but can I use the restroom, please?" she politely asks, and Trixie points her towards the bathroom.

Katya immediately starts collecting Kate's things and making sure everything is in her backpack. Then she looks up at Trixie. Without the warmth that's in her face whenever she's around Kate, she looks completely wiped out. It's the kind of tiredness that can't be fixed by a good night's sleep.

"Thank you so much for doing this, I hope it wasn't too much of an inconvenience," Katya presses out in one breath, clearly uncomfortable to be in this situation. Trixie vaguely waves one hand.

"Oh no, not at all! Kate was an absolute angel, I love having her around, and I'm happy to help. Let me know if there's anything you need. Anytime, you got it?"

Katya's eyes go wide, and for a moment Trixie thinks she's about to start crying. Instead, she surges forward and crashes into Trixie in a hug.

Katya is so small against Trixie's body, but she's squeezing tightly, and all Trixie can do is wrap her arms around her and hold on. They've never hugged before, and Trixie's heart is beating in her throat. Then, she can hear the bathroom door open, and Katya lets go, visibly composing her face before Kate rounds the corner. It was over as soon as it started. Trixie can still feel where Katya's bony shoulders pressed against her upper arms.

"Ready?" Katya holds Kate's coat open for her, and she slips it on. Katya slings the backpack over her own shoulder. "Say bye to Trixie."

"Bye, Trixie!" She wraps her little arms around Trixie's waist, and in return Trixie strokes her hair for a moment. "Thanks for letting me bake with you."

"Thanks for helping me!"

Kate lets go and instead takes her mom's offered hand. Trixie follows them downstairs. In the open door to the diner Katya turns around one last time and smiles.

"Good night, Trixie."

"Good night." Trixie smiles back. Their car is parked right in front of the door, and Katya and Kate drive off quickly. Mechanically, Trixie locks the door to the diner behind herself and walks to the back. With her foot on the first step of the stairs she stops and rubs her aching chest with the ball of her hand.

"Pull yourself together," she mutters to herself before making her way upstairs to her apartment that she likes much more with people in it.

*

It’s Kate who opens the door for Trixie when she rings. She’s in a red dress and has multicolored knitted socks on over her tights.

“Hi, Trixie! Merry Christmas!”

Trixie returns her enthusiastic greeting across the large roasting pan she’s carrying. Kate pulls the door open all the way so Trixie can enter, and then yells, “Trixie’s here!”

“Yes, thanks, honey,” Katya yells back, and Trixie follows her voice to the kitchen, Kate disappearing into her room. Katya is pulling a stack of plates from a cabinet and setting them down on the counter. “Hi!” She greets Trixie with a big smile and brushes a strand of hair behind her ears. There’s a clip with a tiny Santa hat on it in her hair, and she’s wearing a hideous sweater with kittens who are also in Santa hats. Trixie is glad she didn’t dress up and only went with a soft cream-colored sweater herself.

“Merry Christmas! Where can I put the goose?”

“Oh, anywhere!” Katya quickly steps out of the way, so Trixie can put the pan down on the counter. “Wow, you really made an entire goose. That wasn’t necessary.”

Trixie shrugs as she takes off her coat and lays it over the back of one of the kitchen chairs. “It was no trouble. We just have to put it in the oven for twenty minutes before serving to heat it up again.” Trixie had cooked it at home this morning since Katya had told her she didn’t trust their oven.

“Great, thank you so much!”

There’s a moment of awkward silence, and Trixie breaks it up with, “I’m too early, I’m sorry.”

“No no no no, you’re perfectly on time! Jinkx and Dela will be here any minute, I’m sure,” Katya quickly reassures her.

“Okay, good.”

After another moment of silence, Katya asks, “Actually, would you mind helping me carry the table into the living room? I figured that would be cozier than all of us sitting in the kitchen.”

“Oh, sure!”

Together they first push the couch a little more towards the wall to make space, and then move the table into the living room.

“That works, right?” Katya regards the setup with a frown. It’s a little cramped with the fake tree full of homemade ornaments in one corner, but Katya is right that it’s cozier than the kitchen.

“It’s great,” Trixie assures her. “Throw a tablecloth on and you’re nailing the festive ambience.”

“Hm, I’m pretty sure we have a tablecloth somewhere,” Katya mutters, apparently to herself, before shouting, “Katie!”

She pokes her head out of doorway to her room. “Yes?”

“Do we have a tablecloth in the closet with all the towels?”

“I think so. I’ll check.” She skids down the hallway on her socks and hurries up the stairs. Upstairs, Trixie can hear a door creaking loudly as it opens.

Katya pulls her attention back downstairs. “Hey, uh,” she quietly and haltingly starts. “Kate told me she asked you if you’re a lesbian. If that was, like, invasive or anything I just wanna apologize. She didn’t mean anything by it, but I get--”

“Oh, no!” Trixie quickly interrupts her. “It’s all good, I don’t mind anyone knowing!”

“Are you sure? I’ve had a talk with her about not interrogating people about their sexuality afterwards, but that obviously is too late for you.”

“It’s totally fine, I promise! I’m not hiding it, I’m just… you know, private.”

Katya nods. “Yeah, I get that.”

“I’m sorry your parents are giving you such a hard time.” Trixie’s voice has gone down in volume. She wants to reach out, put her hand on Katya’s shoulder. To keep herself from doing that, she crosses her arms in front of her own body.

Katya gives her a little half smile. “Thanks. I didn’t really expect anything else, so at least they’re consistently terrible.”

Trixie only nods. She’s only beginning to understand the complicated relationship Katya has with her parents, and it’s not her place to comment anyway.

“It’s good to have another dyke around, though.” Katya bumps Trixie’s arm with her elbow, and the smile she gives her is genuine, her eyes crinkling with it.

“Yeah, it is.” Trixie smiles back.

“Found it!” Kate yells upstairs, and then her feet are thundering down the stairs. With a bright smile she holds a folded square of white fabric out to her mom. Katya shakes it out. It’s creased, clearly having been stuck at the back of the closet for a long time, but it’s a tablecloth, and Trixie helps her spread it out as smoothly as it will go.

Kate and Trixie start setting the table while Katya is busy in the kitchen. Dela arrives with a dish of mashed potatoes and an apple pie. Jinkx shows up only a few minutes later with several bottles of wine. There’s a bit of a struggle to fit the goose in the oven alongside a green bean casserole, which Katya says her friend Ginger brought over yesterday before leaving town for the holidays. Trixie doesn’t know her well, but she has a feeling Ginger doesn’t like her very much for some reason. Trixie has no issue with her, and Ginger is a great chef, as her casserole proves.

Dinner is chaotic in the best possible way. Everybody is praising the food the others brought, Jinkx and Dela are constantly talking over each other, and Kate is trying to get somebody to listen to her talk about the novel she got for Christmas. Trixie does listen, and she watches Kate’s face light up as she asks questions about how exactly the main character can make things out of books appear in real life. Out of the corner of her eye she can see Katya watching their exchange, sipping on a glass of wine.

This whole time Katya has been relaxed in a way Trixie isn’t sure she’s ever seen her. She seems to enjoy her role as hostess for the night. It’s probably helped by the fact that none of her guests expects a perfect dinner; they’re all just here to have a good time with their friends. Trixie _is_ having a good time. She’d been nervous about tonight.

“And why is that?” Nina had asked with a raised brow when Trixie had told her when they’d seen each other a few days ago, for the last time before Nina would go see her family.

“I don’t know, I’ve never really spent time with Katya outside the diner. What if it’s weird? What if we have nothing to talk about?” Trixie had whined, playing with the straw of her drink and not looking up at Nina at the other side of the bar. It had been early in the day, the restaurant hadn’t been open yet, and they’d sat in the empty dining room, just talking for an hour.

“Judging by everything you’ve told me about that woman, you’re going to be fine. And if all else fails, you can always talk to the kid; she seems to adore you.” Trixie had only given a non-committal hum as a reply and drank her iced tea in silence. Nina had sighed and carried on, “I don’t know what you’re so worried about, that’s not like you. And she invited you, she clearly likes you. That’s good, right?”

“Kate invited me,” Trixie had corrected in a flat voice. She’d been thrilled Kate wanted to have her there; she’s a lovely kid and Trixie likes her a lot. But she’d been certain if it hadn’t been for Kate, Katya wouldn’t have invited her. That shouldn’t have bothered her as much as it did.

For a long moment Nina had looked at her with an expression Trixie couldn’t identify. “Why don’t you just ask her out? You even know she’s gay now!”

Trixie had pulled herself upright on her bar stool. “She’s also a single mom with a lot on her plate who has never shown any interest in me like that.” At the doubtful noise Nina had made, Trixie had rolled her eyes. “It’s just a harmless little crush, I’ll get over it.”

Trixie would get over it. It was just a matter of time. She was still allowed to be friends with Katya. Tonight it really feels like they _are_ friends; not just Katya but Dela and Jinkx as well. It’s good to have a reminder that she has people who care about her other than Nina.

Once they’ve all eaten as much as they can, Kate disappears with her book and the rest of them clear the table together. Just as Trixie is handing Katya a handful of silverware, Dela’s voice makes her jump.

“Oh, my! How did that get there?”

Trixie turns to look at where Dela is pointing, and with a groan she registers the mistletoe that seems to have been taped to the kitchen doorway. Right above where she and Katya are standing.

Katya laughs awkwardly. “Good question, how _did_ that get there? Because I didn’t put it up.”

Trixie swallows. She’s been too quiet for too long, she should probably laugh about this too. She doesn’t.

“Well, you know what to do.” Dela cocks her head to the side, looking at them expectantly with that smile she has, the one that Trixie has never trusted. Another airy laugh leaves Katya’s mouth and she loudly clears her throat. Neither of them is moving. Maybe Trixie should. She could lean in right now. Katya is standing so close to her, looking a little like a deer caught in headlights. Maybe Katya is waiting for her to lean in. If not, Trixie is sure this would make a fun little anecdote they can laugh about later. Trixie would finally _know_. Katya is difficult to read sometimes, so this could be her chance. She inhales deeply through her nose, working up the courage to do it.

“Oh, for God’s sake.” Jinkx pushes herself up from her chair and saunters over. Trixie watches her approach with confusion that turns into mortification when Jinkx places a wet kiss on Trixie’s cheek before doing the same to Katya.

“Wow, thanks,” Trixie mutters. Without a word, Katya ducks into the kitchen to finally put away the silverware Trixie handed her.

Trixie returns to the table in a daze. She picks up what she's fairly certain is her wine glass and downs its contents in one gulp. She can see Dela giving Jinkx dark looks and them apparently having a silently mouthed conversation, but Trixie can't be bothered to try and follow it.

She almost kissed Katya. She had the perfect opportunity to kiss Katya. Trixie doesn't know whether to be relieved or disappointed that Jinkx intervened. It would help if she had any idea if Katya wanted Trixie to kiss her. She could have moved, ignored the mistletoe, instead she stood there staring at Trixie. But she made no attempt to kiss Trixie either. For somebody as open and friendly as Katya is, she is surprisingly hard to figure out, Trixie has found.

She's pulled out of her thoughts when there's a shriek from the kitchen. When they all rush in to see what's going on, they see Katya holding a cabinet door by its handle, no longer attached to the cabinet.

"I'm okay, this just took my by surprise." She wiggles the door in her hand. Trixie steps up to the cabinet and examines where the door came off.

"The screws from the hinges came loose, because the holes have gotten too big. I can fix it if you'd like."

Katya places the door on the counter. "Really? Would you?"

"Sure." Trixie shrugs. "It's no big deal."

"Thank you, that would be great." Katya smiles somewhat sheepishly, and Trixie nods.

Back in the living room, Jinkx refills all the wine glasses - Kate's with grape juice - and they settle down to chat. On the couch, Kate has climbed onto her mom’s lap and is still reading her book, but she looks about ready to fall asleep. Jinkx and Dela are sitting next to them, leaving Trixie with the armchair. There’s a sting of irritation in her belly that Trixie tries to push away.

The wine is making Trixie’s limbs feel heavy and her face warm, and she listens more to the conversation around her than she contributes. Jinkx has just finished a dramatic reenactment of the speech Taylor gave at the last town meeting, when Kate yawns.

Katya looks down at her daughter. “I think it’s bedtime for you, hm?” Kate only nods. “Get changed and brush your teeth, and then come say good night?” She nods again and climbs off Katya to shuffle down the hallway towards her room.

Now that Kate is no longer in her lap, Katya pulls her legs up on the couch, folding herself together. She looks fragile like this, Trixie thinks. With her having a 7-year-old child it’s easy to forget that she’s only 23. A wave of admiration washes over Trixie, thinking about how much Katya is doing and accomplishing by herself, for their little family. It doesn’t take long for Kate to come into the living room in pajamas. Katya stretches out her legs, getting ready to get up.

“Alright, I’m coming.”

“No, I want Trixie to tuck me in,” Kate says softly but with determination.

Katya looks at Trixie in surprise. “You don’t have--”

“No, that’s alright, I’d love to do that!” As soon as Trixie is up, Kate sticks her hand out for Trixie to grab, and when she does, Kate pulls them towards her room, calling out _good night_ to Katya, Dela and Jinkx. Trixie looks back towards them and shrugs.

Kate quickly climbs into her bed and pulls the blanket over herself.

“Wait, I need Mr. Mittens!”

Trixie looks around. “Who’s Mr. Mittens?” Then she spots a cat-shaped pillow that’s fallen down by the foot of the bed and bends down to retrieve it. “This?” Kate stretches her arms out and immediately folds them around the cat plushie, pulling it tight to her chest.

“So what do I need to do to tuck you in properly?” Trixie asks, a little at a loss.

“Mom always sits down here,” she pats the blanket next to her and scoots over a little, “and asks me if I had a good day.”

Dutifully, Trixie sits in the spot Kate pointed to. “Right, did you have a good day?”

Kate nods. “Christmas is always a good day.”

“I agree,” Trixie says with a smile.

“I’m glad Mom and I weren’t alone here, that would have been sad. And I’m glad you weren’t alone at home.”

Trixie nods. “Me too. Anything else I need to do?”

“Mom always lets me have chocolate before I go to sleep.”

“No, she doesn’t,” Trixie says with a raised brow, and Kate giggles.

“You have to wish me a good night.”

“That I can do. Have a good night and sleep tight, honey.”

Kate hums happily and wiggles underneath her blanket. “Good night, Trixie.”

Trixie turns off her bedside lamp and finds her way back to the hallway in the sliver of light falling in through the open door. When she reaches it she spots Katya leaning against the wall with a smile on her face. She motions for Trixie to pull the door closed.

“I’m sorry, I had to snoop a little.”

“Did I do it right?” Trixie asks with a grin.

“First class tucking in,” Katya replies with a grin of her own, and Trixie’s stomach flips. “And she does _not_ get chocolate after brushing her teeth, just to be clear.”

“I assumed.”

Katya reaches out, touching Trixie’s arm, and says, “Thank you for doing that, she’s obsessed with you. Having you here tonight meant a lot to her.”

A warmth spreads in Trixie that has nothing to do with the wine she’s had. “I’m glad I’m here.”

Katya nods with a smile and lets go of her. They drift back towards the living room where Jinkx and Dela have gotten up.

“I think it’s time we head home.” Dela stretches her arms above her head.

“Come on, we can walk together,” Jinkx tells Trixie, and her first instinct is to say no. She doesn’t want to leave. Now that there’s space on the couch she wants to sit down there with Katya. But she can’t say that, so instead she nods.

They all wrap up in their coats and scarves, even Dela, who only has to walk next door. Katya thanks them for coming and they all hug, but in the shuffle Trixie only holds her for a moment. The air outside bites at Trixie’s face and she’s sad to leave her truck behind in Katya’s driveway, but she’s had too much wine to drive. She’ll come by and pick it up tomorrow.

Dela leaves their little group and hurries to her front door, giving them one last wave before disappearing inside. Then it’s just Jinkx and her, walking quickly towards the town center.

“That was a lovely evening, wasn’t it?” Jinkx asks with a happy little sigh, and Trixie hums in agreement. “Kate wanting you to tuck her in was just precious, she’s such a angel.”

“I hope if I ever have kids they’re like Kate,” Trixie says without thinking about it, and Jinkx immediately gets a familiar glint in her eyes.

“You know, that girl could use a second parent.”

“Oh God.” Trixie just sighs.

“Why not? Katya is a lesbian, you’re a lesbian, you’re already looking after her daughter most days. I can see it!” Jinkx insists.

“Us both being gay is not reason enough to date,” Trixie tells her with a frown, wrapping her arms around herself tighter and speeding up her steps. Jinkx quickly catches up with her.

“That’s not all it is, though, is it? I saw you standing under that mistletoe, _waiting_.” Her tone is teasing, but Trixie can feel her stomach lurch.

“Oh my God, stop,” she mutters in what she hopes is an expressionless voice.

“A-ha! I’ve hit a nerve, it seems,” Jinkx exclaims, and Trixie flinches at the loud noise. “You’ve thrown an eye on Katya, haven’t you? I get it, she’s smart, charming, beautiful, and funny. If she was a little older I might try my luck with her myself.”

"Jinkx, stop. Please." Trixie finally looks up at her. She feels like dough stretching too thin, translucent, the first rips appearing in the smooth surface. Jinkx' eyes go wide.

"Oh, darling, I didn't mean to upset you. I didn't know." Her voice has gone soft and soothing.

"Didn't know what?" Trixie asks with a frown, forcing her voice to stay even.

"That you're in love with her."

Trixie abruptly stops walking and her mouth drops open with the force of that statement hitting her. Just like that her eyes are filled with tears, and Jinkx rushes towards her, her hands fluttering around her helplessly until they finally pull Trixie in and wrap around her. Trixie has no choice but to let herself cry.

"I didn't know either."

The next morning Trixie awakes with Jinkx’ words still fresh on her mind. Now that she’s heard somebody say it out loud it’s obvious. This isn’t just some harmless little crush. She really is in love with Katya. It doesn’t change anything. It just makes it more painful that apparently Katya doesn’t feel the same way about her. It’s fine, she can still be Katya’s friend. She’ll just have to do it with this aching cavity that has opened up in her chest, that seems to be particularly deep this morning.

With a sigh she gets out of bed and into the shower. When it’s not that early anymore, she’ll grab her toolbox and head back to Katya’s place. She did tell her she’d fix that cabinet door. She’ll have a look around if there’s anything else she can help with.

If she was smart, she’d probably keep her distance, now that she knows what her ridiculous heart wants. She _is_ smart, she’s just also desperate for any time she gets to spend with Katya.

Trixie didn't fall in love with Katya; she walked right into it, with open eyes and confident steps. She doesn't get to feel sorry for herself now, but she still does. And despite what Trixie knows - that she has Katya’s friendship, but that’s all it is - there's hope burning in her heart. A small candle that she cups in her hands to protect the flame, because the thought of it going out is even worse than this. She clings to the thought that someday Katya might love her back.

***

_Fifteen years later_

“Mommy!”

The insistent shoving at her arm makes it impossible to keep sleeping, and with a deep inhale through her nose Trixie slowly blinks, her eyes focusing on Josie. She has her face only millimeters away from Trixie’s, and it’s uncomfortable but familiar.

“Mommy, Santa was here!” Now that Trixie is awake, Josie makes no attempt to keep her voice down anymore. The room is still painted a deep indigo, the only light is coming through the open door to the hallway where they have looped fairy lights around the banister. They leave them on all night so Josie can see them when she sleeps with her door open.

“Oh, yeah?” Trixie asks, feigning surprise. “Have you told Kate yet?”

“Yes, she said I should tell you.”

Usually, telling her to go talk to Kate buys them some time. But Kate had quickly figured out that two could play that game. Next to her, with only the top of her head poking out beneath the covers, Katya groans, and at the sign of her being awake Josie scrambles up on the bed, ramming her elbow into Trixie’s stomach in the process, making Trixie gasp in pain. Then she kneels in between them on top of the covers.

“Santa was here!” Josie repeats urgently, this time to Katya, since Trixie has made no attempts to get up and go look at the presents under the Christmas tree that she put there last night.

“Santa can fu--”

Trixie blindly reaches out and slaps whatever part of Katya she can reach. It’s probably her thigh, it’s hard to tell underneath the duvet. This early in the morning Katya tends to forget that their daughter is four, and that they should at least try to keep the swearing to a minimum, especially when talking about Santa.

“Santa can fry us some eggs, make us breakfast, wouldn’t that be nice?” Trixie offers, and Josie turns around to her.

“No, silly, he’s gone now,” she explains, as if Trixie is being particularly slow today.

“Oh, right. Sorry.” She bites back her smile and does her best to look remorseful. “Then I better make us some breakfast, huh?”

Trixie shudders when she pulls the blanket back. It’s freezing in the bedroom, and she quickly pulls on the fluffy socks she left on top of the dresser last night.

“Can we look at the presents first?” Josie has followed her and is now jumping in place next to Trixie.

“Socks first,” Trixie tells Josie firmly with a look at her naked toes. “Then we can all have one present, and then we eat breakfast.” Josie is already out of the room, on the way to her own wardrobe. She has already picked a pair when Trixie has caught up with her. They’re blue and have airplanes on them, and Trixie asks if she doesn’t want to wear her Christmassy ones with the reindeer face. But Josie is adamant, so Trixie helps her put them on. Josie does, however, pull the knitted sweater with snowflakes on it over her pajamas. Dela got it for her last year and it had been way too big back then.

“You go tell Kate and I get Mommy, and then you can open one present, okay?”

Josie runs back out into the hallway, turns on the light and starts noisily descending the stairs. With a smile Trixie returns to the bedroom. She kneels down on her side of the bed and leans over Katya. She has her eyes firmly closed again, but Trixie is sure she's awake. She leans down to kiss her temple, hidden somewhere beneath her messy hair.

"Merry Christmas," she whispers, and Katya acknowledges it with a groan.

"I said I'd get Mommy and then we can all open one present."

"Then take yourself downstairs," Katya mutters, cracking one eye open.

It's confusing that they're both Mommy, for everyone involved. Trixie had been Mommy first, so they had tried to introduce Mama for Katya, but Josie wasn't having it. After a while of Trixie saying it, trying the get Josie used to it, Katya got a wicked glint in her eyes every time she said it which Trixie refused to entertain even for a moment, so they gave up.

It's usually fine at home. Sometimes Josie will loudly demand Mommy and when one of them asks her what's up, she will clarify, "No, I want Mommy!" not understanding why they don't get which one of them she means.

Pre-school had only confirmed her in her certainty that they were both Mommy. Every time they were supposed to draw pictures of their family, she would draw the three of them, sometimes Kate too, and every time her teacher would ask where her daddy was, which confused her to no end. No matter how many times she explained she had two mommies, Miss Anderson would not acknowledge it.

It had led to a conversation at home about how families can be different and how a lot of kids have a mommy and a daddy, and some have just one, some two mommies, and some two daddies. Josie accepted that readily; it was something else that worried her.

“Why doesn’t Miss Anderson know that?”

“Maybe no-one has ever explained it to her,” Trixie had said. “We can do that tomorrow,” she assured Josie, and she had looked satisfied.

It had come up again later that night when Josie had been skyping with Kate, who was preparing for finals and didn’t come home that often anymore. Kate had mentioned her Dad, and Josie got irritated that Kate got to have a daddy and two mommies, and she didn’t. So they had explained that while Kate technically had a daddy, she had grown up with only one mommy.

“Where were you?” She had fixed Trixie with a sharp look, and Trixie had laughed, pulled Josie into her lap and turned the laptop on the coffee table so Kate could still see them.

“Mommy and I weren’t married yet, so I wasn’t Kate’s Mommy.”

“Why weren’t you married?” The concept seems to bother Josie, and Trixie is with her on that.

“Well, we hadn’t met each other yet, and then Mommy needed some time to figure out she loved me.”

“Tyler said his Mommy said you’re lesbens.”

“The word is lesbians, and that’s right,” Trixie confirms, and then explains what that means.

Apparently Tyler is a very well informed 4-year-old. He had also said there has to be a mommy and a daddy to have a baby, so they end the call with Kate and explain that they adopted her and that Trixie’s brother made her for them so they could have a baby. Michael hasn’t seen Josie since the day Trixie adopted her. They’ve agreed that it’s best if he stays out of her life while she’s still so young and he’s still figuring things out. Trixie talks to him on the phone sometimes. She has spent such a long time without any connection to her family; now she refuses to let that happen again.

It was a lot of big concepts for such a young mind and Josie went to bed still pensive.

"My Mommies are lesbians," she had loudly informed Miss Anderson the next morning when they had dropped her off, together for the first time, a few people turning around to them at the announcement. "I'm alopted."

"Adopted, sweetheart," Katya had gently corrected her and smoothed one hand over Josie's hair. While she had run off to tell her friends, Katya and Trixie had taken her teacher aside, _cornered her,_ Katya said, and Trixie had very sweetly asked her why she was telling a four-year-old child she couldn't possibly have two mothers and no father and that their family was incorrect.

"My wife and I don't want to make a scene," Trixie had said, emphasizing _wife,_ "but we won't tolerate this kind of behaviour at a school that boasts about its inclusivity, and we will take this to the headmaster if we have to."

Miss Anderson had mostly stared at them, and then stuttered a little, before meekly saying that she understood. They haven’t had any problems since then.

“What time is it?” Katya asks quietly, and Trixie reaches for her own phone that’s charging on the bedside table.

“Just past 6.”

“Ugh, why are we living by a child’s schedule?”

Trixie lies down next to her, slotting her body to Katya’s back and putting one arm around her waist. “Because it’s Christmas! She’s excited.”

“Just Josie, huh?” Katya pulls the covers down a little, revealing her knowing smile, and she turns onto her back so Trixie is hovering slightly above her.

Trixie grins in reply, not trying to hide her own excitement. “Come on, then.” She pushes herself up with one more kiss on Katya’s cheek and heads towards the hallway.

“Are you making coffee?” Katya calls after her, as if Trixie doesn’t every day.

“Yes, yes.”

Downstairs she meets Kate, yawning and having Josie pull her into the living room by her hand. Like this, with messy hair and no makeup on, she looks so much like a young Katya that it always squeezes Trixie’s heart. She’s 22 now; that’s almost how old Katya was when they met. Their faces are shockingly similar, but Kate's hair is darker and she doesn’t have the look of wide-eyed panic that Katya carried with her for the first few years of their friendship. Kate had also gained quite a bit of weight over the last few years, no longer fitting into her Mom’s clothes. Trixie knows it bothers her, and Katya and her try their best to let her know that’s not inherently a bad thing. Secretly Trixie thinks it makes her look more like _their_ daughter.

She turns the corner into the kitchen, despite Josie’s protest, and starts the coffee machine. When she gets into the living room, Josie is kneeling in front of the tree, her eyes already trained on the biggest present she could find. Katya and Kate are leaning against the back of the couch and each other, looking equally disgruntled about having to be up at this time. Katya’s glasses are on crooked. Her hair is trapped underneath the arm on one side, and it makes Trixie smile.

“Alright, who wants to go first?” Trixie asks as if she doesn’t know, and Josie’s hand shoots up into the air, stretching her little body up as far as it will go. Trixie kneels down on the rug next to her. “This one?” She points to the big box Josie has her eye on.

“Yes, please.”

It’s behind a bunch of other presents and Trixie grabs it for her, setting it down in between them. Josie makes quick work of the wrapping paper, ripping through the cheerful little snowmen with no remorse, until she can see the picture of the lego airport she had been staring at all year in the window of the toy shop in town. She straight-up shrieks when she processes what she’s holding in her hands.

Katya and Trixie had argued about whether they should buy it. The box says it’s for ages 6 to 12, and Trixie hadn’t wanted her to get frustrated with it when she couldn’t figure it out by herself.

“We’ll help her!” Katya had insisted. “She has her little heart set on it, we can’t tell her she has to wait two more years.”

As always, Trixie couldn’t say no to her. Now she’s the one who has to help Josie put the plane together. Kate has gone back to bed after they all unwrapped the craft project Josie had made as a Christmas present for each of them. Katya is lying on the couch, her cup of coffee resting on her chest, and she’s dozing. As soon as they’ve finished the plane and Josie is playing by herself, Trixie takes Katya’s mug from her and tells her to sit up. She does, quickly spreading her legs to make space for Trixie to sit with her back against Katya’s front. Right away she puts her arms around Trixie’s waist, pulling her tightly against her warm body, and presses a kiss to her neck.

“Merry Christmas,” she murmurs against Trixie’s skin.

“Merry Christmas.” She turns her head so they can kiss properly, and Katya lets herself fall deeper into the cushions, pulling Trixie with her.

In an hour or so Trixie is going to make breakfast that they’ll eat in their pajamas, and then they’ll open the rest of the presents, lazing the morning away. They’re having lunch at Katya’s parents’, and they’ll probably stay for dinner. Trixie is cooking tomorrow, for them and their friends. But this, right now, with the sun slowly rising, their little family enjoying the time off without any pressure, this is Trixie’s favourite part of Christmas.

*

They’re running a little late, but Pyotr doesn’t comment on it when he opens the door for them. Instead they all hug, exchanging well-wishes for Christmas. All of that is quickly forgotten when they hear barking nearby. Josie doesn’t even say anything, just books it in the direction the barking is coming from and then yells _puppy_ from the living room.

Katya inhales sharply. “You didn’t get a dog for Josie, did you?”

“Oh, no, don’t worry! Your mother and I decided we could do with a breath of fresh air around here,” her father quickly assures her.

“Thank God,” Katya exhales. “Puppy!” she then exclaims and follows Josie. With a snort the rest of them shuffle into the living room as well. Josie’s on the floor petting a shaggy grey puppy. Svetlana watches with a pleased smile from her spot on the couch.

Trixie had expected Katya’s parents to get a sleek, expensive puppy from a breeder, but this one looks like it’s not aware breeds exist.

“His name is Heathcliff,” Pyotr says with pride in his voice, and Katya turns around to him with her mouth open.

“You can’t name your dog Heathcliff, what is wrong with you?”

“It’s a literary name. It’s classy,” Svetlana insists. Immediately a discussion about appropriate dog names starts, led mainly by Katya as she sits down next to Josie to get her hands on the puppy as well. The tag of her sweater peeks out at the neck, and Trixie reaches out to tuck it in, letting her hand rest at Katya’s warm neck for a second. Katya stops arguing for a moment and looks up at Trixie with a smile, before exclaiming, “No, Mr. Rochester is even worse!” Kate tries to be helpful and constructive and reads out character names from Jane Austen novels in the hopes of finding something less awful.

Trixie leaves them to it and takes a seat on the second couch. On the end table next to it there’s a framed photo from their wedding, Trixie with Josie on her arm and Kate leaning against Katya. It’s not the only picture from that day, they’re scattered around the house, but the photos of Josie outweigh everybody else. Katya’s relationship with her parents is still a little wobbly sometimes, but they’re firmly a family these days, and Trixie gets to be a part of it.

“Trixie, I have something in my office that I’d like you to take a look at,” Pyotr pulls her out of her thoughts.

“Is it a business plan? Again?” He doesn’t answer Trixie’s question. “I told you I have no intention of expanding the diner into a chain. I like it as it is.”

“Dad, stop harassing my wife,” Katya throws in from her spot on the floor without actually looking up at them.

“I’m sure your wife can handle herself in the face of a smart business proposal.”

Svetlana sighs. They have this discussion every time they come over. Trixie stands her ground and will continue to do so. She thinks it’s good for Pyotr to have somebody say no to him occasionally. And she really can’t stand the thought of turning the diner into a chain. She’s sure Pyotr knows that too, he’s just committed to trying to convince her now.

They have a lovely fancy lunch that Josie refuses to eat most of. She doesn’t like anything that Trixie or Ginger didn’t make. Food from the diner is alright since she seems to believe Trixie makes all of it. In the end Josie gives in and eats a decent portion of mashed potatoes and roasted carrots because she’s not allowed to open the gifts Santa left here before she’s eaten.

For the rest of the day the puppy keeps them busy, even when he’s just laying down and taking a nap, clearly exhausted from all the attention he’s gotten. When they finally pack everything up to head home, both Josie and Katya are devastated to leave the dog behind. They’ll be there next Friday for their regular dinner, Trixie reminds them, and they both reluctantly agree to go home for now.

It’s not that late when they get in, but their day started early and was filled with excitement and food. They put Josie to bed, and the hardest part is getting her into her pajamas since she's already half asleep. Kate retreats to her room, slouching in her own food coma.

Then, Katya and Trixie get to go to bed, too. All day they've found excuses to touch each other, bumping sides as they walk, hands on hips to let the other know they're there. They're always touchy feely, but today there's been a different quality to it. They've been touching each other all day with intent.

Four years into their relationship the urgency has taken a step back. They no longer scramble to get to each other, not because they want each other any less, but because they know they will end up in the same bed tonight, and tomorrow, and every night after that.

They undress each other while kissing, their mouths familiar but no less thrilling. Trixie gets out their nice leather harness, not the one she bought in a delusional frenzy months before they were even dating, but the one they picked out together, making sure it would fit Katya's slim hips as well as Trixie's that only seem to grow these days. They know who they are to each other, they can switch things up in the bedroom without it resulting in an identity crisis.

It doesn't take long until Trixie is pushing into Katya, and she looks up at her with those impossible eyes as if she can't believe her luck, and neither can Trixie. And yes, she'll call Katya _mama_ sometimes if she likes it so much. Afterwards they press together under the covers, Katya's freezing toes wiggling between Trixie's calves.

"Merry Christmas," Katya murmurs with her eyes already closed. "Love you." She's asleep before Trixie can tell her she loves her too. Trixie whispers it anyway. Before she falls asleep too, she revels in the warm, full feeling of her chest. At first, when she and Katya started dating, and then again when she adopted Josie, she thought it might burst at any moment, that she couldn’t possibly contain that much joy, but now she’s comfortable with it.

Trixie has found that over time her capacity to love only grows. She used to think that she's never loved anybody as much as Katya and that she'd never love anybody more, back when that knowledge bled into her chest, making it hard to breathe sometimes. Since she knows it's reciprocated, that love has only expanded. It's also not limited to one person. Katya is the love of her life, but so are Josie and Kate. Her life is so full of love that some days she can’t remember a time when it wasn’t like this. She’s certain over time the memories will fade further. She has no use for them anymore. Her head and heart are full as they are.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Please leave a comment here or come talk to me on tumblr ([@connyhascontrol](https://connyhascontrol.tumblr.com/)).


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